What does it mean to be assertive?
Assertiveness is a communication style, a conscious ability to express our feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions in an open manner that doesn’t violate the rights (values) of others. Being assertive is not being aggressive but respecting both our own needs and those of others.
Aggressiveness violates the rights of others while giving our own needs priority while Passiveness violates our own rights and giving priority to the needs of others. Assertiveness respects both our own needs and needs of others.
It is a myth to think that when we are aggressive, we are being assertive because we are stating what our needs are. It is true that both assertive and aggressive communication involves stating your needs; however, there are very important differences between stating our needs assertively and stating them aggressively.
Knowing if we are being assertive or aggressive comes with reflecting on the words used, the nature of tone t, and the body language displayed.
Being assertive does not mean that we always get what we want, assertiveness is not a guarantee to any outcome at all. Assertive is about expressing ourselves in a way that respects both our needs and the needs of others. In some instances, it means we get what we want, in others we won’t get what we want completely and sometimes we will come to a mutually satisfactory compromise.
Being assertive does not mean to be assertive in every situation. We may come to the realisation in some situations that being assertive is not the most helpful way to progress/survive. Let us think of a situation when being antagonised by a very aggressive or violent being, then being assertive may put us at risk as the other person is not being logical. In this case being passive is a more beneficial way by leaving the scene.
Learning to be assertive is about providing ourselves with choices!
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